• Jenni Lynn

Do I BELONG in Kink?

I was once told that I don’t “belong” in kink… that I shouldn’t go to parties… and that I wouldn’t fit in. It hit me hard. It played into my childhood insecurities. It made me stay away from Fet and any events for a while.

Then I decided I wanted to find out for myself if that was actually true. Here’s what I found (so far)…

Despite how I look (I’m pretty vanilla looking, I know), people (for the most part) accept each other… gay, straight, bi, flexible, transitioning, transgender… it doesn’t matter. And if someone doesn’t like it, they don’t “friend” you or they look the other way. We’re all exploring and learning what we like and don’t like. And that’s okay.

Each person needs to find their own way, their own kink, their own drive. Kink has given me the opportunity to safely explore new things about myself. I’ve found such pleasure and enjoyment in things that, by public standard, are generally taboo. But each kink is beautiful in its own right. And each person finds things in the kink community that they do and don’t like. I am no exception. And there are others who are in the same boat.

“Playing” has been cathartic and freeing. I’ve been able to explore new sides of myself - new sensations (physical and mental), new ideas, new people, new communities, new camaraderie. And I love it! In a new phase of my life, I have found a new side to myself that is so amazing and freeing.

The community is a generally safe place in the face-to-face realm. Sometimes people can get a little creepy online, but in person, most people maintain the SSC and RACK rules. It allows for each person to explore what they do and don’t like in a safe way. And if there IS a safety concern, the community will often rally behind the person.

There are a lot of cliques… it’s almost like high school sometimes. :-( But each person finds their friend group where they feel most comfortable. That doesn’t preclude them from being able to associate with or be friends with someone, or shift from group to group. Though there are definitely groups, some at odds with others, most people are quite accepting of each other. For me, I’m a butterfly… I like people. And there are very few people I’ve met that I don’t like. And, truly, someone has to really be an asshole for me not to like them.

Sometimes a person needs a second or even a third chance. And that’s okay. Don’t judge a book by its cover. Give people the opportunity to show you who they really are and know that may take meeting/talking to them two or three times. I think a lot of people in this community have felt like outsiders at some point or another in their lives. I know I certainly have! Even if a first impression isn’t great, don’t write a person off. Take time and get to know a person. And ultimately, if you don’t like them, just ignore them… scroll past their updates, don’t look at their page or pictures, don’t talk to them at events. But for [insert your deity or non-deity here]’s sake, don’t talk shit about them behind their back. Don’t be rude. Don’t be an asshole. Don’t give a fuck about them if you don’t like them. You do you and let them do them.

Overall, I’m early in my exploration and journey. But I have found the most WONDERFUL people…most of whom I never would’ve met without joining Fet and going to events. And, generally speaking, most people accept me for who I am. Most people let me (and others) explore, ask questions, watch, and engage. Most people are kind and simply curious. Sometimes there is a not-so-nice person, but that’s generally not the case, that I've found.

I’m thankful for this journey and the people I met. I hope I continue to meet people who are open-minded, honest, direct, and caring as those I have thus far. And to anyone who says someone doesn’t belong, go fuck yourself. In a world so full of hate and sadness, be a light in others’ lives. Don’t be the jerk who pushes someone away from this lifestyle because of your shitty opinion. Just because you don’t think they belong, doesn’t mean everyone feels that way.

Remember the golden rule: treat others how you want to be treated.

And from one of my very favorite books, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, by Mark Manson, “Challenge yourself to find the good and beautiful thing inside of everyone. It’s there. It’s your job to find it. Not their job to show you.”

A special shout out to those who have helped me kick off this chapter in my life with positivity, love, openness, and NO JUDGMENT… @SirDaveFord, @BriannaLynne718, @DickRicky22, @F1nger, @AlysonWunderlust, @hrandy36, @DCDirtyDutchess, @JennaSaisQuoi, @Luvamana, @RichardAD

Originally written on February 28 on FetLife

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